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I guess Ive had enough with where Im at right now. I would love to get back into theatre. I would love a chance to be on stage again.
I dont want to join the military. In the end of the day I would be doing it for two reasons, One: because I want to prove to my father (or myself) that I am capable of something worthwhile. To give him something to be proud of. Two: because I cant think of anything else, that would actaully pay the bills. Honestly, those are pretty shitty reasons to join. Somehow I managed to convince myself that this was a great idea, and the more I said it the more it made sense, but when you cut it down to reality, it doesnt make sense for me to join, and it doesnt make sense for me to go to Afganistan. Yeah, I want to be a hero, I want to save lives, but who doesnt? It seems a bit like a death wish. Im still going, tuesday 745am. Its too late to back pedal now. Never mind the looks on my familys face. Ik denk dat ik wilde gaan, slechts omdat ik niet gaf of ik leefde of stierf. Ik denk dat ik nu geef.
I dont want to join the military. In the end of the day I would be doing it for two reasons, One: because I want to prove to my father (or myself) that I am capable of something worthwhile. To give him something to be proud of. Two: because I cant think of anything else, that would actaully pay the bills. Honestly, those are pretty shitty reasons to join. Somehow I managed to convince myself that this was a great idea, and the more I said it the more it made sense, but when you cut it down to reality, it doesnt make sense for me to join, and it doesnt make sense for me to go to Afganistan. Yeah, I want to be a hero, I want to save lives, but who doesnt? It seems a bit like a death wish. Im still going, tuesday 745am. Its too late to back pedal now. Never mind the looks on my familys face. Ik denk dat ik wilde gaan, slechts omdat ik niet gaf of ik leefde of stierf. Ik denk dat ik nu geef.
I hate my job, most days. I hate the bullshit, the drama the theft the people. I hate the arrogant pricks, the young things who think they walk on water, the hobos, the drunks, the drunk hobos, but most of all the degrading, perverted SOBs who think because Im at a LQ they can talk to me that way. I dont mean the "hey baby's" the "how you doin'"s thats just drunken BS, I mean...well whatever.
I think the worst part of this, is that I go all day at work where I pretend to be tough, sweet, happy, whatever the hell the day calls for and I deal with all the bullshit, and say its cool its just a job Im not going to loose sleep over it. But in the end of the day it would be no big deal if i had people to chat with, hang out with afterwards, to vent, to just distract me. For me out in Vic anyway I have my family, who is always gone by the time I get up and asleep by the time I get home. Then theres the people I work with, yeah some of them are pretty cool! but I dont actually hang out with any of them outside office hours. So that leaves me here alone except when Im at work dealing with the bullshit and faking my way through. Theres nothing to take my mind off of everything. So I just get wound up, and more stressed.
This isnt who I am, and this ISNT who I want to be.
I just need a hug.
It would be great to be on stage again.
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