A little...crazy

Its been an interesting week, that is for sure. Life is definatly going my way lately, and its making me nervous.

My week even started off on a good note, a friend of mine invited me out to a "Time Travel" party, that was loads of fun. It was great to see eveyones different ideas and it was fun to finally get out and start meeting people, sort of. Maybe its the theatre in me, but I always love a good costume party! It was really a great night!

My dad FINALLY bought a boat. Its a Pearson 365, 36 feet of sailing bliss! He's having it shipped up from Santa Barbera, I cant say how happy it makes me to see him finally living his dream! (and the fact that I will get to spend time on the boat is pretty cool too!) He seems very nervous, I cant blame him. He has been dragging me from boat show to boat show my entire life. This is a huge new step in my parents lives. I wonder how long it will be before they just hop on the boat and never come back?

Last night there was a public hearing to discuss opening another location of the LQ in James bay. The vote came back 7-1 for the proposal, finally. As long as Ive been working there they've been talking about it. Its finally going to happen. I think part of me was pretty sure it wouldnt go through. This means a lot of change for our little strore. Its very exciting!

Life seems a little bit tipsy, too good to be true. Im scared I'll wake up. Or that there is something terrible just around the corner. I know its not the best thought pattern but I cant help thinking things are too good! Then I remember the things that I seem to be glossing over in my excitement. The regular BS of working that the LQ, people spitting on the floor, getting screamed at, drunks hitting on me, broken glass, bums, bloody money, violence, theft... Marcel.

Maybe Karma owes me a few weeks of happiness? To make up for everything in the past. Or maybe Ive just died and by some miracle God accidentally let me into heaven. LOL!

I over think things too much lately...

Three

For Alexis things were always easy. She had never really had to work for the life she got. She was naturally smart and talented. Outgoing and sweet, people gravitated toward her. Alexis was the youngest child of three, and her older brothers, Grant and James protected her, and watched over her every move. Her father and mother both had always wanted a little girl and when she finally came along they spoiled her. Early in her life she proved to be quite a stubborn young thing, headstrong and sure in her ideas.

Alexis wanted to be a ballerina, and her father found the best dance school in town to send her to. For Alexis, dance came naturally; she seemed to know, instinctively how to move. She was very aware of her body and how she looked when she moved. The teachers loved how easily she learned and the girls loved to share a stage with her. It wasn’t long, therefore, before Alexis made a name for herself, and started to compete.

At school Alexis was social and fun, she didn’t study hard, but she never did poorly in class either. Alexis loved to be around people, and it seemed wherever she went she was surrounded with people who loved her. She made a point to make classes fun and light, and the same as her dance teachers, her school teachers thought she was a joy to have in their classes. But as soon as that bell rang at the end of the school day all Alexis could think about was Ballet. She couldn’t wait to pull on her leotard and tights, squeeze her feet into those perfect pink shoes and feel the music flow through her.

Alexis started to attend competitions when she was only 7 years old. The confusion and stress of the backstage life made her feel alive and enthralled, where others would get nervous wound up and scared, Alexis would feel comfortable, at home, and relaxed. Of course her mother was not the same as most other stage moms were. She made sure that they got to the competitions early, and took their time getting ready, together Alexis and her mom would run through the dance routine twice before the other girls arrived and then her father would sneak backstage and beg to see it once before everyone else. So when it came to her turn to take the stage she was calm, quiet and ready, the same as she would have been dancing in her living room. When she took the stage, felt the hot lights on her face, and looked into the ghostly faces of the crowd her heart lifted and she felt alive. She loved to watch the rapt attention of the crowd for those 2 seconds, which always stretched on into eternity, before the music began and she could dance.

When she started to move her feet everything in the world fell away from her. Her body felt light, flawless and free. She could think of no feeling more wonderful than the heat of the lights and the breeze she created as she turned, and gracefully filled the stage. When people watched Alexis dance, they found themselves lost in her, she pulled them into her movements and they felt, in their hearts and souls, whatever she wanted them to feel. If she performed a slow melancholy dance she could bring her audience near to tears, and if she danced for joy and love, she would lift their hearts but no matter what she performed they could not stop thinking of her for days. After she danced, she would wait anxiously with the rest of the girls to hear the results and after it was announced her parents would weave through the crowds to find her, her father would always have a bouquet of flowers, and her brothers would always have a souvenir gift for her.

It was after one of her first competitions that Jane approached her parents. Jane, was a young, but very talented choreographer who had fallen in love with Alexis’ passion for dance. Jane explained that she had just opened a small new studio, close to where they lived. A talent like Alexis should be allowed to study alone, she should have private lessons, only once a week, and she would be given a chance to improve greatly.

It was not long before Alexis and Jane started lessons together. Alexis loved working with Jane. With Jane’s help Alexis quickly improved and learned more and more. Jane found out about every competition she could and Alexis begged to enter more and more. Jane and Alexis quickly became good friends. Often Alexis would go to see Jane outside of lessons, and soon Jane gave Alexis a key to the dance studio. Alexis would often sneak off to the studio to dance in front of the wall sized mirror alone. She loved to feel the cold wood flooring against her bare toes, when nobody else could see. She loved to turn the music on and dim the lights until she could see nearly nothing and dance for hours. The peace and serenity it brought her made her feel as if nothing could ever go wrong.

On May 16 of 1994 Alexis turned 10. For Alexis it should have been a wonderful day. Her family had made the day very special for her. Her brothers did all of her chores for her and even let her have the first shower in the morning, so that the water was still warm for her. Her father made her favourite breakfast and her mother made her favourite lunch. Grant and James decorated the whole house for her party. And her friends arrived and each one brought her a prettily wrapped gift. But for Alexis the day seemed long, boring and unnerving. She could feel all day as if something ominous was waiting for her around the corner.

When all the cake had been eaten the gifts given and the party favours handed out her friends headed back to their homes, and Alexis ran to get ready for her dance lesson with Jane. She had gotten a brand new black leotard from her mom, and she couldn’t wait to show Jane. She stood proudly in front of her mirror and admired the way it looked. There was a pinch at the top in the middle of her chest so it looked much more grown up. And the back had four straps crossing her back from each side, as she wrapped her skirt around her waist she waited to feel that peaceful feeling wash over her that she always got when she knew she was going to dance. But still there was that nagging feeling of unrest deep in her chest and her stomach knotted and turned. She shook her head quickly and pulled her sweatshirt over her head, grabbed her shoes and ran down the stairs and off to class.

The studio was quiet when she arrived. Most of the lights were off except for the main entry where Kelly, the receptionist sat chatting on the phone. She looked up when Alexis came in and waved cheerily. She gave a slight shrug and pointed to the classroom, which was still completely dark. Alexis went inside and pulled off her sweater. She looked around herself and felt the studio was colder than normal. She pulled her sweater back on and felt the lint on the inside of the sleeves, she stood a moment looking around as if something might have jumped out of the shadows at her. She slowly pulled her slippers on and tied the satin ribbons around her ankles. Finally she switched the light on and took a good look around the room. Nothing moved or jumped or hid in any of the corners. She reached out and turned on the cassette player. Bach filled the room and Alexis marched over to the barre, determined to shake this feeling she began her warm-ups.

As Alexis rounded through her warm up routine she stretched and bent and turned and her stomach got tighter and tighter and her throat began to feel like it was closing over. She reached her foot out and placed it on the barre and leaned over, gracefully touching her fingertips to her toes, and suddenly her stomach turned to ice. She felt as if there was cold water rushing through her veins and her heart seemed to stop completely. Slowly she pulled away from the barre, and sank to the ground. She pulled her knees to her chest and leaned against the wall. Bach was still filling the room when Kelly came slowly in, her tiny manicured hands shaking, she walked very slowly over to Alexis and knelt in front of her. Kelly reached out and pulled the child into her lap and they sat in silence for a long time before Alexis’ parents arrived.

Mother slowly reached out for Alexis’ hand. She took the tiny child into her arms and hugged her close. Alexis felt terror rip through her. She saw her father standing back, arms crossed, and watched Kelly as the tears slipped down her cheeks. All at once Alexis knew, nobody needed to say anything. Her heart began to race, she felt nausea well up in her throat and her stomach flipped and turned a million times over. She couldn’t understand, she tried to be grown up. She tried to understand, that death is natural, as her mother explained. She tried to listen when her mother explained that although it was early for Jane, everyone has their time. Alexis felt her world begin to spin, and She closed her eyes tight from the vertigo. Suddenly her mothers arms were no longer wrapped around her. She could no longer hear Bach, but a loud ringing filled her ears. The sounds of Kelly’s sobs disappeared and her mothers smell of lavender no longer stung in Alexis’ nose. She felt a hot salty tear on her cheek and tried to take a deep stuttering breath. She had to be a big girl. Slowly she opened her eyes.

The room was dark, silent and cold. She was alone. As she looked around at her surroundings she felt confusion, but peace. The studio was the same, as it had always been, the clock on the stereo flashed 12:00 just as it always had. She turned slowly, three times, and surveyed the whole room. Questions welled up in her and seemed to trip and stumble over each other, and as quickly as they had come they were gone, and she was left with a deep feeling of calm, and peace. She slipped across the floor and pressed play on the old stereo. A wave of serenity came over her. She forgot all that she had just learned and she let the music pull her in, a slow waltz, and she stepped through the room, light as ever, peaceful and happy. She counted out the steps silently in her mind and felt the reality of her life slip away from her.


This one needs alot of work so dont say anything! Its kind of a work in progress, I set out to write about something completely different but starbucks was too cold so this is what you get! :P

new stuff on the way!

Two

Chase was born on a quiet Saturday morning in early June of 1982. He was in birth the same as he was in life. Unassuming quiet and gentle. As a young child Chase often was lost in the background. Other boys would be running, playing tag or catch or the other games boys play, full of noise and clatter and energy, but Chase was happy to sit quietly and play with his trucks. Chase was an only child. His mother tried, in vain, for years to give him a younger brother or sister before she gave up.

She was a slight woman, timid and quiet, she was always happy to stay home, putter around and keep a quiet happy home for her husband and son. Her husband was a large man, in nearly every sense of the word. It seemed to Chase, that his father would fill the whole room when he entered it. He was a round, strong tall man, loud and powerful. He worked most of his life in a garage fixing rich peoples cars, and dreaming of one day owning one of those, fast, expensive cars, instead of his old practical one. He would sit his son on his lap in the late evening and tell him that one day when Chase was 16 they would rebuild an old car together.

For Chase home never seemed out of the ordinary. It never felt like there was anything wrong. As he grew up, and started going to school he never noticed the goings on at home. He studied hard, he never failed a class but he never stood out either. He never fought with any of the other boys at school and didn’t tease the girls. His father pushed him to play baseball, and for a while he did, just to make his father happy, but he realized that nobody noticed if he went or not, and eventually he just stopped going all together. He never noticed that his mother became more nervous, she had always been shy. He never saw the way her hands would shake when she spoke to his father. He never saw that his father would stay away later and later nights. It wasn’t odd that his father suddenly started to take trips for work on most weekends. As Chase began to become a tall skinny young man he never thought for a moment about his parents marriage. So when it ended in 1995 Chase was shocked. There could have been many ways for the marriage to end, that wouldn’t have been as hard on Chase. His mother, however, could not have done it any other way.

Chase and his parents lived in Phoenix Arizona. His parents had bought the house shortly after they were married and they never had a need to go anywhere else. His father used to say:
“A night out for dinner is as good as a week long getaway!” So they rarely vacationed. Chase could remember a few short camping trips, and his mother went to Denver once a year to visit her family, but she always went alone. Chase never had a deep desire to travel. He was content with the life he had been given, and so the afternoon when he came home from school to find suitcases in the front hall he was confused more than excited. His mother busily cleaned the house around him as she explained that he was going to go with her this year to Denver, and since there was a family reunion they were going early. Chase was excited but apprehensive.
“Why can’t Dad come?”
“Your Daddy has to work.”
“What about school?”
“I’ve called your teachers dear, they will excuse you from the homework.”

Now those are the words that every young boy dreams of hearing, so after she told him that, he began to get excited. He helped his mother load all the bags, suitcases and boxes into the car and, when he had finished, he never stopped to consider that they might be bringing everything they owned. This was his first real vacation, he didn’t know how much to bring or leave behind and so, as with most of his life, he didn’t ask any questions. Of course since his mother had packed his bags he knew she must be right. The drive was exciting for young Chase. He had never been on a road trip and had never seen so much of the country. It wasn’t long before they arrived in Denver and were engulfed in family. Chase had never lived near his mother’s family, or his fathers as a matter of fact, and he had never met any of them. He learned quickly that, that didn’t matter. “Family is family!” he was told again and again. Of course that didn’t make him feel any more at ease with these people. For him they were foreign and strangers, he felt at a loss when they hugged him and didn’t know what to say when they asked about his school, or his friends. It felt as if they all knew everything about him, and he knew nothing about them. His mother had never spoken of her family at home, but of course she told her mother, and sisters everything about her young son. So they knew him long before he knew them.

The first few days of his vacation were scary, exhilarating and uncomfortable. Chase often got the feeling that when his mother left, with one of her sisters, or her mother, they were talking about him. He often entered a room to everyone staring, silently at him. He worried, what could he have done wrong? He couldn’t think of anything. When four days of this had passed, his mother and grandmother sat him down at the dinner table. He felt guilt welling up in his throat as they sat quietly chatting about nothing in particular. The whole family had been over to dinner, and the smells of roast chicken and potatoes lingered in the air. Chase played with the tablecloth, tracing the floral patterns with his fingers and picking the crumbs and putting them into a small pile near his water glass. His stomach turned and he felt nauseated. He wasn’t sure anymore, if he was listening to what his mother was saying to him. He could feel himself drifting in and out of the conversation. Finally his grandmother began to rein the conversation in. She gently explained to Chase that his mother and father both loved him, but they would not live together anymore. She quietly explained that Chase would not be allowed to see his father again. His mother told him that she knew he was a strong boy and that he would be able to understand.

Chase did not understand. He felt himself drifting out of the conversation again. His head began to feel heavy, and stuffed with cotton. His ears rang loudly and he felt light and weak. Chase could hear the blood rushing in his ears and the whole room began to slow down. He watched his mother speak, but could not hear what she was saying. She reached out to touch his hand and as much as he tried to pull away from her he felt stuck, and couldn’t move. Their voices became distorted and started to sound foreign.

All at once Chase felt his world tilt sideways and the room spun around him for a second before everything vanished completely. He closed his eyes tightly and felt his heart, and stomach tense up as the world fell away from him. He felt himself hit the ground, hard, and he lay still on his back for a long time before he opened his eyes. The sounds around him became sharper and his head began clear. His heart stopped racing and his stomach slowly untied itself, he unclenched his fists and gently touched the ground around him. He grabbed hold of the grass and pulled slowly, to soothe himself, and as he did so shock shot through him again. His eyes shot open and he saw around him, clear blue sky, soft bright green grass, trees on a hill in the distance. He heard birds singing and the rush of water from a nearby stream. A moment of confusion and terror passed, before he gave in to the peace and serenity that surrounded him, confident in the fact that he must, be dreaming.

This is where all of Chase’s problems began.



So are you waiting for a chapter three? well I dont really care, its coming whether you like it or not. (some feedback might be cool though!)

One World.

"Pearson College is a Unique two year pre-university school for two hundred students selected from around the worl based solely on their personal merit, potential and demonstrated commitment to engage actively in creating a better world. All students attend on a full financial scholarship and live together while studying the International Baccalaureate program and pursuing explicitly the mission of the United World Colleges to make education a force to unite people, nations and cultures for peace and a sustainable future." ~ David B. Hawley, College Director.

Annually pearson college puts on a "One world" performance where they showcase the talents of the students. This year all 200 students helped with the performance with over 175 or them setting foot on the stage. This years students came from 100 different countries.

My family has been lucky enough to get a chance to be a host family this year, to my cousin, Adam who is attending Pearson College. So this weekend my family and his Mom and his sister all got a chance to see the show.

Im not sure what I had expected it to be like, but I was amazed. Each perfromance was completely unique, mostly dances from each culture. This year Pearson College decided to select students from war torn regions and areas of conflict. There were many speeches through the show that clearly reflected that. Kids spoke of their personal experiences from what they had been told was truth *they have learned that truth is subjective* to devestating stories of abuse, fear, death, young marriage, child labour and one boy from Venezuela told us about how he had survived an abduction a year ago. These are kids, 17, 18 year olds, who have witnessed the most horrible parts of humanity first hand, and here they were telling us about their hopes and dreams for a peaceful future. Two boys stood together on stage, One boy from Palestine and one from Isreal, when they came to Pearson, they were put in the same dorm room.

"Coming here, and sharing a room with him, has not taught me who is right, Only who is left."

The show was mostly dancing, different dances from all over the world. From a war dance from Fiji, a belly dance, latin dancing, throat singing, a middle eastern wedding, music from china and even street beats. Each peice was completely unique and different. I felt like I was getting a chance to see the more fun, beautiful parts of these cultures.

I began to feel that we often hear, or choose to hear, only the negative parts of each culture we encounter. There are always stereotypes, and Im sure there always will be but I feel like as a whole we focus on the negative and gloss over the positive, beautiful, fun parts of each different culture. We are missing out! I am not saying that Im an expert now that I sat through a two hour show of snippets of different lives, but seeing something like that makes me even more sure that there is so much we dont get a chance to see. Either because its not around, or because we arent looking. Or maybe we're hiding from it.

One

Alexis never felt she was destined for anything great, she dreamed, definatly, and as long as she was going to be dreaming she dreamt big. But she never really believed, deep down, that her hopes would be realized. And as she sat, on the rotting stairs, pulling chips of dark green paint away with her fingernails, she wondered, at everything that had put her where she was. She felt the sun, beating down on her in a desperate attempt to drive the stubborn winter away. The heat, and peaceful light washed over her, overwhelmingly pulling her heart upwards. She leaned her shoulder against the house, pulled another long piece of paint off of the steps and played with it gently between her forefingers before flicking it away. She let her mind wander as she watched a pair of finches playing in a pool of rain left from the recent winter storms. Spots of light played and danced on the surface of the water as they splashed about, fluttering their feathers, then smoothing them out again. A deep sigh filled her lungs, and as she lifted her face up into the light, a gentle smile pulled at the corners of her lips. For now, she was content to sit, and soak in the warmth that savagely beat its way through the winter cold, yet tenderly caressed her nose, cheeks and her eyelids.

He stood watching her from the kitchen window. Slowly he rolled his mug of coffee between his hands trying to warm himself against the cool of the house. The fragrant steam rose and warmed his face as he pulled in a long drink. It had been tough for them, and as he watched her soaking in the early morning sun he thought of the times that had passed between them. It had been some time since he had considered the path that had brought them together. But as he watched her peeling the paint off of their front deck in long strips, her belly beginning to swell beneath her dress, he couldn’t help but remember. Was it all really behind them now? It had been so much harder to leave everything than they had thought. His deepest fear was bringing new life into the world that they had grown up in. As much as they tried and worked toward the new life they had made, there was still that lingering fear, that maybe, their efforts weren’t enough. The sudden clicking sound of Jasper’s feet snapped Chase back to the present. The dog stopped halfway across the kitchen and sat, suddenly, his head tilted to the left. Chase couldn’t help but laugh.

“You poor mutt.” He muttered as he scooped food into the dog’s dish. He smiled as he watched Jasper greedily inhale the food, and he felt sudden relaxation, and contentment in the normalcy of it all. But as Chase sat down to his breakfast his chair rocked a little, on one shorter leg. He looked out over the table, in the middle of his empty kitchen, it was old, stained with meals and who knew what else, from past lives. The wood had deep gouges and scratches all over it. His eyes travelled to the bare walls, devoid of photos, the old world wallpaper was peeling, greasy and badly off coloured. There was a few bright spots along the wall where photos of previous owners had hung, and as he followed a deep crack in the wall he saw the windows, covered in a layer of dirt and dust, suddenly he felt nothing but deep shame. Chase sighed deeply as he remembered how she was when they met. She had so many hopes and dreams, he knew that this was not the life she had envisioned for herself. Perhaps not the life he had envisioned either. Did he really want to bring his child into this lifestyle? Did he have a choice?


Well now, what do you think? Feel free to leave a note! Have any guesses as to where its headed? Would you even glance at a chapter two?