This is great and all but...

... Id really rather be dancing.

I havent had much to say lately. Bought new couches over the weekend. They arrived today. All blue and fluffy and oozing of wonderful grownupness. (regretting how much they cost but hey... more grownupness I guess)

More importantly I started dancing again today. I signed up a bit more than a week ago and honestly Ive been kind of super dreading it. I havent moved a single musclue in my bod since I was 18 and I was terrifed that I wouldnt remember, or wouldnt be able to keep up. Never mind starting a new dance style Ive never tried near the end of the season when everyone else has been dancing together for 5 months.

I have to say, this studio is something out of my dreams. If I close my eyes and imagine what its supposed to be, there it is... exactly. Its in a perfect old brick building with huge steel doors and dark brown stained hardwood floors. A barre thats been worn down in so many places and windows look out into a busy city. the brick dont all fit exactly the way they should and its absolutely my favorite place. It is the type of place that is literally BEGGING to be photographed, all over.

I actually managed to keep up in the class. I wasnt good dont get me wrong but I didnt flounder too much. but more importantly, it was the absolute best night I have had in as long as I can think.

I seriously this is better than sex...kidding.... I cant wait for saturday and sunday...

(none)

I deserve better...

The glass is.... tipped over

Spoke with Investors Group today. I was approved... on a few conditions... I guess I have a lot to think about in the next little while.

Its amazing how overpriced the market is. Even now as it falls...

Really. how long can I wait?

How swell you are...

Sitting here, its incredible.

Listening to the calm. The gentle even lapping of the waves on the rocks below me, like a subtle heartbeat. A quiet, calm sweeps gently over me. A deer watches me for a few moments, hesitant and nervous. Her ears twitch constantly, this way and the other, listening intently to every tiny movement around her. I sit, arms around myself and watch her, our eyes locked. Eventually she decides Im not a threat and continues eating, but her ears continue to twitch. The gray tag on her ear, a big number 9 scrawled in messy black marker, seems like it must be very heavy. She had a baby in the spring. A perfect sweet fawn, complete with white spots on its back. She was so cautious then, she would run at the slightest sound, and the baby on its knocking knees and wobbly legs would be only a heartbeat behind her. I havent seen the baby in weeks, maybe a month and a half.

As the silence grows around me, I notice it getting louder. The steady heartbeat of the water continues, but other subtle sounds are beginning to creep into this peace. The seals begin to belch loudly at eachother, splashing in and out of the water. Men showing off 'check THIS out!'.

Leaning back onto my elbows I am mesmerized by the night sky. I have always been. From the time we laid out on the beach and he told me martians were going to attack from mars (I was 6 years old, of course I was scared), something about the vastness of the night sky pulls me in. I often find myself staring up into the night sky, lost for a moment, or longer. Tonight the sky is obscured, a wispy thin layer of cloud hides the stars, but lit brightly from behind by the nearly full moon, the clouds look like something from Peter Pan. Flawlessly painted soft cotton clouds drift leisurely past the vivid craters of the moon.

My deer, Bonnie as the neighborhood calls her, whips her head around, searching, her ears alert and still, she strains to hear. I follow her gaze but I can't see, or hear, anything. I look back, but she is gone. A few branches rustling in the raspberry bushes. Silence. I turn my gaze back to the sky and let my mind go blank. Or try to. Several minutes go by, before something catches my eye. Three black lumps on the lawn in front of me tumbling and bouncing. I lean forward, slowly, trying not to be noticed. They continue to chase eachother, in circles around the lawn, they have no time for me. Otters, I see this family often as well, but always on the island. It isnt a far swim to shore, and Im sure they come here often, but I havent seen them until tonight. They play like kittens, jumping on eachother, biting tails and chasing shadows. Then as suddenly as they arrive they tumble back into the raspberry bushes and are gone. And I am left alone with my thoughts, wishing I could narrow them down a little.

I sit a few moments longer, watching the burning embers on the end of my smoke, before I dip it into a flower pot full of water and head inside. She has been sitting there the whole time, holding herself up on the door frame, watching me through the glass, as always. When I finally come inside she gives me a quick growl before heading down to the bedroom. Just to let me know its past her bedtime and I kept her up too late.

Stupid cat.

I want to understand you. You said Norwegian Wood reminded you alot of your life. Im curious, what parts?

(none)

You dont get to email me. You want me to forgive you? You think you can just say, 'Sorry!' and it will be ok. You want me to give you closure?
No I dont forgive you. No I wont.

I dont get closure. why the fuck should you get it?

Loans.

Well,
Today I paid off my student loan!

Next friday I meet with the mortgage broker!

My last payment was a bigish one, so I will be broke for a few weeks, but I have to say, Honestly, it feels pretty damn good to have no debt! (well, nearly no debt)

Time to buy a condo!

What a beautiful day!

Nothing lifts my spirits like a good shoot. When you get to the location only to find that the lighting is good, colour is fantastic and the subject is patient and accomidating... (OK so flowers are always patient but whatever)

A few from today...

Check out the Dev Site for more...

Thats new...

It was strangely unnerving, being here alone while the power was out... Unnerved is maybe not the right word... just plain scared.

Too quiet or something... Or not quiet enough...

The fire didnt help... A candle broke and set the mantle on fire. Not a big deal, I put the fire out and moved on... But it ruined my evening...

Ive never been afraid to be alone, or afraid when the power goes out, or being alone when the power is out... Maybe the fire wrecked my nerves...

hmm

I got the job... Vacation... I think Im going to go to the caribean (sp). Ive been so stressed over it, that now that I can start to relax I feel like...well I dont even know, like I want to go to the caribean.

I was at the gym today, during the Tae Kwon Do practice, All I could think about was how badly I wanted to get back into photography, its been way to long... It would be great to get into shooting more action. I think I would like to shoot dance classes or something, Tae Kwon Do, something active, but Ive never really worked with people. Time to try?

'Stop asking, you know all the reasons why.'

Just because...

Ive been thinking about these...

In my back yard.... he was sniffing me while I was tanning...

My back yard... So sweet, So dangerous!

This is not even the closest weve been... there arent any real good pictures of the guy who chased us... If you can see close enough, this guy is starting to bare his teeth...

and for fun, I ADORE the Northern Lights... Aurora Borealis... (when I was taking this photo, for you photo buffs, we were out on a mountain side, looking out over my town, and there was a huge group pf people there, LOTS of whom were using their flash to take pictures. Hmm...)

whats new?

What isnt?

I made it! 22, alive and kicking! Got my hair done by AT, shorter than Ive ever had it.
Party at work, cake and cookies, then home for a classic dutch dinner with the family, curry fried rice and Kroepoke (sp?), Kroeketts (also Sp?) and salad.. Angelfood cake.. I think angel food cake was designed to be eated with your hands, no matter how hard you try or what type of knife you use, you cant cut it... SO tasty though...
You know your a grown up when a set of Lagostina pots is the 'Best Birthday Present EVER!!'

Spent Saturday night with J. He took me out for African food, love the Blue Nile. He loaned me a new Haruki Murakami.

Job interview today. It ended up being just me and my boss and another woman I work with. I thought there would be a union rep or at least my office manager. They emailed me the interview questions on friday. I had the whole weekend to review them. I typed out the anwers and was more than ready for the interview. I still dont interview well. Im still not qualified. The other person who was interviewing was late. I dont know the story with that but still... They said I should get the call within the next day or two... Or not...

The boss asked for my refernences, I dont really have any local refrences I told her. She told me to give them from my previous employer and a couple mentors from my current place of employment. I didnt know I could do that. So I asked the two ladies who have been saying 'I cant wait till you get the job' and used them.

Nothing more I can do but wait, I have done all I can. In the next few days we shall see, if I have a job or if I will be looking for employment.

Still, you impressed me. Thanks for that! Lesson learned.

After Dark

'you know what I think?' she says. 'That peoples memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Whether those memories have any actual importance or not, it doesn't matter as far as the maintenance of life is concerned. They're all just fuel. Advertising fillers in the newspaper, philosophy books, dirty pictures in a magazine, a bundle of ten-thousand-yen bills: when you feed 'em to the fire, they're all just paper. The fire isn't thinking, 'oh this is Kant,' or 'Oh this is the Yomiuri evening edition,' or 'Nice tits' while it burns. To the fire, they're nothing but scraps of paper. It's the exact same thing. Important memories, not-so-important memories, totally useless memories: there's no distinction-they're all just fuel.'

Haruki Murakami. I love this author. I can't get enough of his writing. There is always something...

Finally had a day to myself. Its been ages. I spent the entire morning curled up on the swing in the sun reading. It was great.

Spent the afternoon getting T set up for University. Shes excited. but by the end of it I wanted to scream. Ive done my fair share of time in retail. I know the way things work. Im not about to say that it isnt hard dealing with customers and all that but it doesnt take a great deal of intellect. Today it seemed like everywhere we went the staff was painfully slow and seriously incompetent. It gets to a point for me where I just want to jump over the counter and do it myself.

I will have the house mostly to myself for the week. N and the Parents are going sailing. It would be great to spend a week on the boat but it will be better to spend the week without a house full of people (except for T but shes ok).

I do miss you. Just so you know...

The last few weeks?

I got to go see my girlfriend, helped her move to her new place...we went to comox, and coombs and I took the train home...I missed her so much!!

I went to coombs again this weekend, saw the market and the parrot sanctuary, Iwanted to see the butterfly gardens too but I ran out of time... the birds always blow my mind... the way they show so much affection... so much love. I never thought about birds that way... that they would need as much love and attention as cats or dogs... they can be so sweet...

Had dinner with D, I miss her and H and JH so much! we had a great dinner, great little spot Im going to have to spend some more time at! on fifth or off fifth or something like that... we had a great visit... never long enough though!

please do check out the devsite for new pics... theres a few... nothing special...http://aisling86.deviantart.com/

Dinner Time...

Well I suppose there are some possitives to living on a Navy Base...


Right out my front door is the ocean, a private beach... guarded by the MPs so NOBODY is allowed to come onto our beach or out into the waters near our beach... we have ALOT of wildlife in our neighborhood. Deer, Birds of all shapes and sizes, more deer, Otters and seals commng out our ears...

Today we had a group of Killer Whales come right to the beach... it felt like we could reach out and touch them. They tell me the difference between Killer Whales and Orcas is that Killer whales eat seals and bigger game when Orcas eat salmon and small fish... as you can see these were absolutely KILLER whales...

There was a female, a male and a baby.. only three...

Photographically these are not great... the light is bad, the color is bad, and theyre blurry and could use some zoom... but seriously cool anyway... Just think... there are tourists... Just down the road from me actually, who pay up to 500$ a day for wildlife tours where you MIGHT see a seal or a pourouse... poor saps...

well... update on me? nothing really is new... I work... all the time it seems... I started again at the LQ... the new one out in JB, its a whole different ballgame than WS thats for sure. But its still a LQ and its still retail and its still customer service.

Heart-Breaker

Oh my God,
What if the nice guys really do finish last?

Two out of three aint bad...

'She drank what remained of her coffee, cold now, and lit a cigarette. The rain was once more beating down on the skylight, the sound of solitude, she thought sadly. It reminded her of that other rainy night, a year ago, when she'd ended her relationship with Alvaro and knew that something had broken inside of her for ever, like a faulty mechanism beyond repair. And she knew too that, from then on, the bittersweet solitude that filled her heart would be her one sure companion as she walked what roads were left for her to follow, beneath a heaven in which the gods were slowly dying amidst great gales of laughter. That night she had crouched beneath the shower, steam curling about her like scalding mist, her tears mingling with the water falling in torrents on her drenched hair and her naked body. That clean , warm water had washed Alvaro away a year before his physical and definitive death. And by one of those strange ironies of which Fate is so fond, that was how Alvaro had ended his life, in a bathtub with his eyes wide open and his neck broken, beneath the shower, beneath the rain.'



Do you even beleive in Love? Was there one moment, for you, when you realized you didn't? Or have you always known that there was no hope?

KYPRIOS

How silly are your superstitions?

2.9.62.1,488.89,280.5,356,800

Hot Summer Nights

My job keeps me run off my feet... I swear...
This is not really connected to anything, its just a bit of wasted time...still what do you think??


In the first moment she felt the fear rip through her soul. She had chosen her point, her anonymous point, and stared deep into it. She made no eye contact as she pulled in a long breath. Still, somewhere deep within her something grabbed hold of her heart, dragged it down to her stomach and knotted them together. The lights snapped on with a violent ‘POP’. Her mouth was suddenly dry, as she felt the heat of the lights on her cheeks. Soft beads of sweat rose on her forehead, her face reddened, her hands began to shake.

She heard him draw his breath. Every other sound had vanished, her focus, trained on him, his hands, every movement he made. It seemed an eternity that he sat there, still, silent, unmovable. Finally, she turned her eyes to meet his. A hint of a mischievous smile played on his lips. Her throat closed, tight. Silently, she begged, what was he waiting for? Deliberately, he laced his fingers together and reached forward, a long stretch, snapping his fingers. He never took his eyes off of her, testing her, teasing her.

He toyed with her, even as he finally began to play. Taking his time, changing the tempo, he forced her to slow down. She tried to pace herself. Her heart raced forward but she forced herself to stay even, to match his slow, sensual movements. She looked deep into his eyes, once more, before she gave in, turned her eyes forward and tried, once again, to find her anonymous spot. The lights made her eyes water but still, she stared straight into them.

Now he began in earnest. She reached forward, no longer trusting herself to stand. She grabbed hold, tightly at first, as she felt the cool metal in her shaking palms she forced herself to relax, to keep an air of calm about her. Slowly she slipped her hands up, and pulled the microphone towards herself.

The heat, her sweat, her anxiety, melted away the moment she began to sing. The lights seemed to dim, her eyes no longer ached, and she began to be able to see into the audience. She could nearly make out their faces. The high-powered crowd, she knew them well. All of them stressed to the limit with work that they thought was earth shattering. Even here, in their darkened bar, they were still performing, pretending to be something they weren’t, to impress each other. Women, men, lovers, friends, it didn’t matter, they all had to prove themselves to each other. A constant struggle for power.

She started to hear it all now, detached, as if she was in the audience with them, watching herself perform. As he played on, his fingers found the deepest parts of her soul, and she let the music flow through her. Note by note, she became more caught up in the music, more at ease in her place on stage. She felt more alive by the moment and now, she let her passion flow into the microphone then, out over the crowd. Her smouldering voice now melding with his slow gentle play. She caught his dark eyes as she took a breath, and together they plunged into another verse.

The audience had vanished by now; the stage seemed to be melting away into nothing, leaving the two of them alone lost in the music. She felt it, pulsing deep in her chest, the urgency beginning to build; she pulled the mic towards herself. She allowed the music to move her body now, and suddenly the audience returned. She could see the, clearly, each body, each face, each pair of eyes as they watched her every move. She had brought them with her. She had gone, away from the bar, away from the flickering lights, and the smells and the smoky air. Away from reality, to a place where she could be free, from all of the stresses and tensions of her world, and her reality had melted away. Now as she looked into the audiences’ eyes, she could see in their souls, that she had dragged them with her. That they were as lost in the music as she was. They would let her take them anywhere.

From nowhere, it seemed, he began to pull away. She followed him, and slowly, he brought them back. With his last note they pulled together, and released their grip on the audience.

She felt numb, as if she was almost waking from a dream. The silence overwhelmed her and her ears rang. Suddenly she was struggling to see through the glare of the spotlight, her eyes began to tear up. The smoke filled her lungs and she struggled to suppress a cough. She became aware now, of her dress, the way that it clung to the shimmer of sweat down her spine. Her necklace felt like lead pressed hard against her chest. She slowly licked her lips, tasting her deep red lipstick. The smell of stale beer, mixed with tobacco and sweat confronted her and she was no longer sure if she had even started to perform yet.

They were on their feet now.

Her head was pulsing now.

She bowed slightly.

Or did she?

She reached a graceful hand out for him.

He grounded her suddenly, as his strong, cool hand gripped hers. He pulled her arm up then back down with him. Together they bowed. The sound of their applause reached her now, finally.

The lights went out, as inevitably they always do.

hypothetically...

You are sitting on an over-crowded city bus. Every seat is full and there are easily a dozen people or more standing in the aisle. Three young guys, dressed in their 'gangsta' best, get on to the bus, talking loudly and obnoxiously, bragging about 'Kicking that guy's ass'. About five minutes into the ride the guys begin to harass one of the other people on the bus.

What they do doesnt really matter, who they're harassing doesnt matter, it could be an old woman or a nerdy looking boy. What matters is that you can clearly see the person they are harassing is agitated, hurt and close to tears. This person is obviously trying to pretend nothing is wrong.

Remember you are on a very crowded bus. You are NOT the only person watching this.

What do you do?

hypothetically...Of course.

You are nobody, until somebody loves you...

well,
No more retail...

No more custies. No more "can I get your number?" No more cash. No more debit. No more drunks, hobos, arrogant jerks, pervs...

No more "I need a wine. Not sure what its called, its either red or white, there was this writing all over the label... it was definatly a screw cap, or a cork. I dont know how much I paid for it..."

My last night at the LQ was actually a blast... MP, C and M made me feel really special. They brought me flowers and cards and we finished WAY too much champagne. When I stumbled out of there for the last time, I felt like I would actually be missed...

As much as my new job is only filing and copying... Im actually really enjoying it. Its great to be able to do something constructive at work and then know that when I come back five minutes later it will still be there! And they seem to like me... I hope...Anyway its a job. Its not hard, its not stressful, its not very stimulating, but the pay is worth it.

Now that I only work till 430 EVERY DAY, Ive been able to start actually having a life! I can get into the gym and be done everything by 6pm every night. With my extra income I will be able to start taking dance lessons again! *I think THAT is what Im most excited about* Im not sure, but hopefully Ill even be able to start auditioning again, I will be off all weekend while shows run, and in the evenings for rehersals...

Its lonely though... I cant really chat with any of the girls at work... and thats was about the only people I talk to outside family... at the LQ it was enough cause I had cool people I worked with and the customers coming in and out, mostly bad, but a conversation is a conversation.

The 'rents took off for Malaysia today, Im so jealous. And it looks like T will be going to Alaska in the next few days. J got home from China a few weeks ago (and brought me a stunning necklace). Auntie B and her family just got home from South Africa. Everyone gets to see the world. My day will come...

I guess its been a weird little while... it seems I only ever post anything when things are weird...

It would be great to see you! Its ok though... I know.

work

I was talking to my neighbor, she mentioned that there might be an entry level opening in her office. She asked me to send her my resume, so she could take a look at it. I Have a job, Im not in love with it, but it is fun, sometimes. I sent her my resume. I thought she was just going to take a look at it, give me advice, 'change this, move that...' You know.

The next day, around 2, my phone rang. No interview, nothing. 'Can you start in a few days?' I gave my notice at the LQ. I start at on July 7.

As much as this is a huge opportunity, a very positive thing for me, Im very nervous. I think Im slightly overwhelmed... I didnt really see it comming, and all of a sudden I have a new job.

As much as I complained I AM actually going to miss a few things about the LQ... The wine tastings, definatly, some, SOME, of the custies, of course the cool people I worked with.

Like I said, Im a little overwhelmed...

What a weekend...

I have to say it was a fantastic weekend. Very busy, but its been a while... I havent been out really partying, dancing in ages... it was great to get out with friends, starting to meet people.

There is nothing better than spending all your mornings laying in the sun with a very very good book. Im so absorbed in Hakuri Murakami. I finished 'Kafka on the Shore' and now Im deep into 'Dance Dance Dance'. I find the way that he writes always seems very personal. Something seems to get to you, on a personal level from each of the books. I suppose thats what makes an author good. I get so wound up and absorbed into the books, that of course I got completely sunburned. It was worth it.

Sunday was wonderful! Daddy will be spending the next month and a half two months in Hawaii and Malaysia. So he wont be here for his birthday. We celebrated his birthday and fathers day on the same day. I finally got to get out on the boat. Cake and presents in the middle of the ocean. I was definatly more comfortable sailing 'My Id II' than I am on 'Banana' or the other Lasers or albicores. I cant wait for a summer full of days on board. Maybe a few nights! I LOVE sleeping in the water.

I got to spend a day with MS too, trying out his new ESO30D. Im very jealous. But somehow, Im still trying to figure how, I made due with my ESO10D. It was good times of course, I hadnt been out to Beacon Hill Park. I definatly am planning to spend more time out there.

Had a quick impromptu dinner with DB. Its been a long while since we hung out, but it was just like old times. Great to see him.

All in all, its been great getting alot of people time. Very relaxing, finally.

Definatly looking for a new place. This whole living situation isnt quite working for me anymore. Anyone need a roomate? T wants a new place out here too, but Im really not sure how I feel about sharing a place, or sharing a place with her... We shall see I suppose...

and of course shameless plug of the Devart there are some fun photos up there... take a look?

On the Shore

Dont know why I like these bits so much...

"You sit at the edge of the world,
I am a crater that's no more,
Words without letters
Standing in the shadow of the door

The moon shines down on a sleeping lizard,
little fish rain down from the sky.
Outside the window there are soldiers,
steeling themselves to die.

(refrain)

Kafka sits in a chair by the shore,
Thinking of the pendulum that moves the world, it seems.
The shadow of the unmoving sphinx,
Becomes a knife that peirces your dreams

the drowning girl's fingers
Search for the entrance stone, and more
Lifting the hem of her azure dress,
She gazes-
at Kafka on the shore."

***

"If talent is a kind of natural engery, doesn't it have to find an outlet?"

"I dont know" he replies. "Nobody can predict where talents headed. Sometimes it simply vanishes. Other times it sinks down under the earth like an underground stream and flows off who knows where."

Im home!

The second I got off the plane it hit me, I think it was just the smell of the salt and the ocean, Victoria really is the best place on earth! Laying in bed last night, listening to the wind whipping through the house feeling the sound of the steady claming pulse of the ocean, I love BC. I dont really like those sort of plot synopsis posts but this is going to be one of them, vacations make for crappy posts lol!

I spent the last week on a family vacation to Kingston On and Quebec City QC. It was a great week overall. My brother was graduating from RMC, so it was busy, full of official events. Oma and Opa, Grandma and Auntie Marg all met us in Kingston so it was great to be able to have that much of the family there. (Even though HH was in top form the entire weekend)I have to admit I love the official stuff, where you have to be dressed to the nines. I love the whole process, choosing the outfit getting my hair done, makeup the whole girly girl she-bang! Of course Im sure nobody is surprised that I set my pants on fire the very first day while I was ironing them... (Im not actually a complete wash as a woman, I CAN cook pretty well... for the record)

The Convocation was very nice, I sobbed the whole time Nicholas was on the stage saluting the Commadore, and getting his diploma. The convocation is self explanitory... they're all pretty much the same, long winded speeches and all that...

There was a sunset ceremony that evening, On the parade square at RMC, where a bunch of the clubs and groups from the college showed off. Eveything from a Tae Kwon Do demonstration to Fencing, Drill, Band performances, War Games, Boot Camp excersizes, even a battle re-enactment complete with cannon fire, three different fly-by's and a helecopter dropping soldiers out of it. I was seriously impressed. It was pouring rain at the beginning, so Dad had to drive HH back to the hotel but the rest of us stuck it out and eventually the rain cleared, we were lucky Auntie Marg happened to have a few extra jackets in her car, and one of the graduating Cadets gave us his umbrella so we werent too wet and the rain really added to the mood of the 1812 Battle Re-enactment.

The next morning there was a parade first thing in the morning, for the Commisioning. We had planned to leave the hotel at 8:30, Dad and Auntie Marg had to stay behind because HH had to have his pipe and couldnt be bothered to leave until 9:15 for the single most important day in his grandsons life so far, and so because of that Dad and Auntie Marg ended up missing the beginning of the parade, Natasha was great enough to film it though so Daddy did get to see it, but he didnt get to be THERE, which was the important part. I am pretty sure that as long as I live I will never be able to forget that display of selfish arrogant and unacceptable behaviour on HH's part, and I can tell you if it had been me waiting I would have left him and never thought twice. I think you would have to be a saint to forgive that kind of behaviour.

Anyway...it was another one of those sobbing moments for me, watching all the Cadets march onto the feild, receiving their awards. Seeing Nicholas go from OCDT to 2nd LT was great. I am SO proud of him. I cant wait to see how far he will go with his career. I know he will do well!

That night we went to the Military Graduation Ball. There was a live jazz band (I LOVE jazz) and a fantastic buffet with stunning ice sculptures. (It seemed like the entire week was full of fantastic food and drinks I must have gained 5 lbs!) The buffet was unreal, a huge selection of great food. I wasnt really aware that there are people in the world who ACTUALLY stuff food in their pockets at a black tie buffet, I thought that was just a sort of joke, but apparently HH is one of those people. I cant help but laugh, and want to die at the same moment, Auntie Marg and I were joking about trying to set my cousin Ashley up with a new graduate, Bruni, who was chatting us up in the buffet line but we had to scrap that plan as soon as HH stuffed buns and butter in his jacket. Sorry Ashley, we tried!

As great as dinner was (and dessert was even better) I loved the dancing and the music afterward. Daddy danced with me, which seems silly now that I am writing it down, but it really made my day! I tend to forget how much I love dancing. Really dancing. I feel so free and wonderful when Im on the dance floor. Everything will be fine as long as I can still have somebody to dance with.

We didnt know this at the time, but Nicholas also didnt bother to warn us: Mom and Auntie Marg decided we "Have to dance to this!" when Dancing Queen came on, so we jumped up and went to dance, and out of nowhere somebody hit me in the head with his shirt. Apparently all the bars and pubs and parties that the Cadets (now Officers) go to have an unspoken agreement that as soon as the bosses and big wigs leave and they are free to party the DJ plays "Dancing Queen" and the boys strip off their uniform shirts and jackets and swing them over their heads... I cant say as I minded, much, but I definatly wasnt expecting 500 young soldiers to pull a Chip-n-Dales on me! So as much as I wanted to stay until the bitter end at 6AM, we headed back to the hotel at about midnight and said goodbye to Nicholas.

From there we headed out to Quebec City, and basically had a few days doing the tourist thing, visiting the old fort and all the shops and generally hanging around. Basic tourist stuff... Im sure you all know what that means...

Like I said Im sorry it was a bit of a plot synopsis but oh well! Anyway there are more photos up on DevArt, if you want to check them out...

My ID II...For now

well she sailed into Victoria on friday evening and I went to see her for the first time Saturday morning.

She's a Pearson 365, 36 feet and perfect. sure she needs alot of cosmetic work but I love her! It seems a bit unreal still... Its something that I have been dreaming about (or my daddy has been dreaming about) as long as Ive been alive, and to be able to actually stand on the deck, feel the wood... it all seems too surreal. Well, If anyone in the world deserves to have their dreams come true its my Dad. I keep thinking Im dreaming....

her name is My ID II, for now... anyone have any ideas for a good name? *yes weve tried all the variations of my mothers name! lol*

Anyone want to go sailing??

life is...

I guess Ive had enough with where Im at right now. I would love to get back into theatre. I would love a chance to be on stage again.

I dont want to join the military. In the end of the day I would be doing it for two reasons, One: because I want to prove to my father (or myself) that I am capable of something worthwhile. To give him something to be proud of. Two: because I cant think of anything else, that would actaully pay the bills. Honestly, those are pretty shitty reasons to join. Somehow I managed to convince myself that this was a great idea, and the more I said it the more it made sense, but when you cut it down to reality, it doesnt make sense for me to join, and it doesnt make sense for me to go to Afganistan. Yeah, I want to be a hero, I want to save lives, but who doesnt? It seems a bit like a death wish. Im still going, tuesday 745am. Its too late to back pedal now. Never mind the looks on my familys face. Ik denk dat ik wilde gaan, slechts omdat ik niet gaf of ik leefde of stierf. Ik denk dat ik nu geef.

I hate my job, most days. I hate the bullshit, the drama the theft the people. I hate the arrogant pricks, the young things who think they walk on water, the hobos, the drunks, the drunk hobos, but most of all the degrading, perverted SOBs who think because Im at a LQ they can talk to me that way. I dont mean the "hey baby's" the "how you doin'"s thats just drunken BS, I mean...well whatever.

I think the worst part of this, is that I go all day at work where I pretend to be tough, sweet, happy, whatever the hell the day calls for and I deal with all the bullshit, and say its cool its just a job Im not going to loose sleep over it. But in the end of the day it would be no big deal if i had people to chat with, hang out with afterwards, to vent, to just distract me. For me out in Vic anyway I have my family, who is always gone by the time I get up and asleep by the time I get home. Then theres the people I work with, yeah some of them are pretty cool! but I dont actually hang out with any of them outside office hours. So that leaves me here alone except when Im at work dealing with the bullshit and faking my way through. Theres nothing to take my mind off of everything. So I just get wound up, and more stressed.

This isnt who I am, and this ISNT who I want to be.
I just need a hug.

It would be great to be on stage again.

Storm

There is something peacful and comforting about sitting here, curled up in a blanket watching the water. I always have so much to write about the way the waves crash against the island, sending spray high into the air. the cool green color of the water that fades to a deep menacing black the further it goes out, but there is always, just on the horizon a glittering white line of sunlight where the water turns a spectacular bright blue. I love listening to the storm. The rain pounding against the windows and the roof. The wind whistling through the house, it seems to find every little crack and hole and howl through. The way the trees beat against the side of the house. I love to sit here, curled in a blanket with a hot cup of coffee and watch as the rain beats against the window in a fury.

and all the while I sit here feeling comfortable, inspired and cozy, Im watching those poor little birds who come to our feeder. Trying to fight their way through the sideways rain and strong winds to get to the little green feeder. Seeing them get whipped and tossed about in the air makes me feel a little guilty.

Who am I kidding?? Im not a Soldier! I dont take orders, I cant carry that much weight on my back, and I DONT crawl in the mud...

Someone said to me the other day, the uniforms are the colours they are for a reason, Navy is black, like the deep angry sea, Blue for the air force, like the sky, heaven, and for the army, its brown like... well.. shit

Four

Got another rejection letter... Suprise suprise! Another meeting with the recruiter comming up soon... Nervous as hell! So here I am, sitting watching the storm on the rocks. Anyway, heres # Four.

The beginning was very different for Alexis and Chase. Alexis figured it out quickly. She was always a curious child and she enjoyed testing the limits. Chase was more timid and tried to ignore it. While Chase tried to convince himself he was dreaming, Alexis was trying to turn her dream into a reality.

The second time it happened to Alexis, she knew what caused it. It was the day of Jane’s funeral. They left the house early in the morning. Alexis’ mother bought her a new black dress; it was simple, with a little lace ruffle along the hem and neckline, a wide black satin ribbon around the waist. To Alexis the fabric felt like straw, it was coarse and scratched her skin. The bodice was too tight and the lace collar was too high on her neck. She felt trapped and uncomfortable. As they sat in the church Alexis pulled the ribbon from behind her back, rolling and unrolling it in her fingers. The church pews were solid wood, dark cherry finish and coated with varnish so they reflected the flickering candlelight. No matter how Alexis sat she felt as if the seat dug into her. The seat was too hard, and the armrest dug into her small shoulder, the back arched in all the wrong places and gave her a pinch in her back. She looked around at all the faces; the church was full of faces, blank, sombre and sobbing. Swollen eyes and red noses glared at Alexis from every angle, though she knew none of them were looking at her. Alexis felt that nobody could feel the same loss that she did. Nobody knew how much she hurt, nobody could hope to understand. She wanted to scream, she wanted to run. She felt nausea rising in her throat.

Nearly everyone had gone when Alexis timidly stepped toward the casket. She stood for a long time with her eyes tightly closed, her fists clenched. Then finally she reached forward and put her hands on the edge of the casket. Slowly she opened her eyes. She felt her heart racing as she looked down. There was Jane, as perfect as ever. Her dark brown curls lay about her on the white satin pillow. Her eyes were closed but a look of peace on her face. Her soft, white hands lay on her stomach, fingers laced together. She wore a simple pink dress. For a moment Alexis thought it hadn’t happened. That it had all been a dream, and Jane would sit up and start laughing her sweet tinkling laugh. But when Alexis reached out and touched her, she found her hands cold as ice. At that moment Alexis could stay no longer. She turned and ran. She felt her heart pounding in her ears her stomach tight with fear and as she ran down the centre row of the church she felt her world begin to spin. She tripped and felt herself suspended for a moment.

When she fell to the ground she didn’t move for a long while. She lay still, her eyes tightly closed, she felt the floor, cold on her flushed cheek. As silence rang out around her she slowly opened her eyes. Darkness enveloped her, but she recognized her surroundings immediately. The stereo clock flashed 12:00, the pale wood floors seemed to glitter, and Alexis saw her shadowy reflection in the wall-sized mirror. She slowly pulled herself up, knelt in front of the mirror and sat still for a long time. She folded her hands in her lap and stared into the mirror as if it would give her some answer. She watched as tears slipped down her cheeks in silence.

Alexis didn’t know how long she sat there, silently sobbing. But as the hours stretched on she felt the familiar peace that filled her whenever she was in the studio. Slowly she stood, and walked toward the barre. She ran her fingers along the polished wood, but she didn’t want to dance. She simply stood, and looked around the room. In this moment she began to understand.

I know its not really complete but Im working on it....

I think I hate typing the name Alexis... I think I might be renaming her, can I do that? maybe Ill give her a nickname...I havent been able to write lately...more than just a paragraph anyway, I have loads of little paragraphs that are completely disjointed and dont fit in anywhere. So as much as Im not really happy with this... :P Anyway yes I know my grammar sucks, but other than that let me know what you think!

Yay photos

For my mothers birthday this week, I dug out all of the negatives I could find and have scanned them into the family computer. I thought that this would be a nice surprise for her to see all her memories on the computer, as a screensaver or just generally at her fingertips. Well I sat at the computer today for 8 hours and Ive managed to get through 13 whole rolls of film, I would guess that there are about 300 more to go. I dont think I'll finish in time. I'm actually really enjoying doing it, even though it taking me so long. Its great to look through all the photos from my childhood, Most of them Ive never even seen.

This meant that I got a chance to drop some of my OLD black and white negatives into the scanner. I have never really had a chance to develop 90% of my B&W photos. I had to choose three photos from the whole two rolls of film from this particular shoot, so I never

even got to see the majority of those photos fullsized. They aren't great photos, but there are a few I really love. These ones are from the 2004 Iditarod. Ive posted more on http://aisling86.deviantart.com/ As I said they arent great but I love to finally see

them bigger than a thumbprint.

It was pretty cool, watching the iditarod. People say that its cruel. That we force these poor animals to run 1100K through the snow, ice and horrible cold. That these poor animal

s are getting abused. I wasnt sure, what to think, going into it. Those dogs get the royal treatment. The best vets in the world are flown in to each night camp and all the dogs get checked out to be sure they are in top shape, if they arent the ride on the sled. They are fed the best food to keep them strong and healthy, they probably eat better than most people do. You cant say, that these dogs dont WANT to run. Its true that they are trained their whole lives for the race, but when your at the starting line, you can feel in the air the excitement that those dogs feel. Before the race, each dog has its own handler to hold it down, because they get too wound up, and jump over each other and tangle themselves up. They want so badly to run.

The race has two starts. One in downtown Anchorage where they race to another small town, then leave from there a few days later. The photos here are from the first start in Anchorage. this first start is used as a medial/fundraising event. Each team leaves Anchorage with two sleds, instead of the normal one. Both sleds have an open seat that is auctioned off to raise funds for different causes. They use the second sled because without the extra weight the dogs run too quickly for the media to get any decent photos of them. I didn't really beleive it but when you stand on the sidelines its nuts how little time you have to snap that shutter before they're gone. It is unreal to watch. You cant deny the anticipation these dogs feel before they get to go. They Love it. And yes the kennels look a little mean, but its really the only way to transport 14 energetic sled dogs.

So its been an interesting week. I sent in the last chance papers to the recruiter. For some reason it terrified me a little. Im getting nervous, over-thinking, worried. What the hell was I thinking signing up for this? What if they dont take me? What if I fail my PT test again? What if I fail the written test? What if I dont pass my physical? What if they accept me?

Anyway, I suppose it will be what it will. Lots of people Join the CF because theres nothing better to do, right?

A little...crazy

Its been an interesting week, that is for sure. Life is definatly going my way lately, and its making me nervous.

My week even started off on a good note, a friend of mine invited me out to a "Time Travel" party, that was loads of fun. It was great to see eveyones different ideas and it was fun to finally get out and start meeting people, sort of. Maybe its the theatre in me, but I always love a good costume party! It was really a great night!

My dad FINALLY bought a boat. Its a Pearson 365, 36 feet of sailing bliss! He's having it shipped up from Santa Barbera, I cant say how happy it makes me to see him finally living his dream! (and the fact that I will get to spend time on the boat is pretty cool too!) He seems very nervous, I cant blame him. He has been dragging me from boat show to boat show my entire life. This is a huge new step in my parents lives. I wonder how long it will be before they just hop on the boat and never come back?

Last night there was a public hearing to discuss opening another location of the LQ in James bay. The vote came back 7-1 for the proposal, finally. As long as Ive been working there they've been talking about it. Its finally going to happen. I think part of me was pretty sure it wouldnt go through. This means a lot of change for our little strore. Its very exciting!

Life seems a little bit tipsy, too good to be true. Im scared I'll wake up. Or that there is something terrible just around the corner. I know its not the best thought pattern but I cant help thinking things are too good! Then I remember the things that I seem to be glossing over in my excitement. The regular BS of working that the LQ, people spitting on the floor, getting screamed at, drunks hitting on me, broken glass, bums, bloody money, violence, theft... Marcel.

Maybe Karma owes me a few weeks of happiness? To make up for everything in the past. Or maybe Ive just died and by some miracle God accidentally let me into heaven. LOL!

I over think things too much lately...

Three

For Alexis things were always easy. She had never really had to work for the life she got. She was naturally smart and talented. Outgoing and sweet, people gravitated toward her. Alexis was the youngest child of three, and her older brothers, Grant and James protected her, and watched over her every move. Her father and mother both had always wanted a little girl and when she finally came along they spoiled her. Early in her life she proved to be quite a stubborn young thing, headstrong and sure in her ideas.

Alexis wanted to be a ballerina, and her father found the best dance school in town to send her to. For Alexis, dance came naturally; she seemed to know, instinctively how to move. She was very aware of her body and how she looked when she moved. The teachers loved how easily she learned and the girls loved to share a stage with her. It wasn’t long, therefore, before Alexis made a name for herself, and started to compete.

At school Alexis was social and fun, she didn’t study hard, but she never did poorly in class either. Alexis loved to be around people, and it seemed wherever she went she was surrounded with people who loved her. She made a point to make classes fun and light, and the same as her dance teachers, her school teachers thought she was a joy to have in their classes. But as soon as that bell rang at the end of the school day all Alexis could think about was Ballet. She couldn’t wait to pull on her leotard and tights, squeeze her feet into those perfect pink shoes and feel the music flow through her.

Alexis started to attend competitions when she was only 7 years old. The confusion and stress of the backstage life made her feel alive and enthralled, where others would get nervous wound up and scared, Alexis would feel comfortable, at home, and relaxed. Of course her mother was not the same as most other stage moms were. She made sure that they got to the competitions early, and took their time getting ready, together Alexis and her mom would run through the dance routine twice before the other girls arrived and then her father would sneak backstage and beg to see it once before everyone else. So when it came to her turn to take the stage she was calm, quiet and ready, the same as she would have been dancing in her living room. When she took the stage, felt the hot lights on her face, and looked into the ghostly faces of the crowd her heart lifted and she felt alive. She loved to watch the rapt attention of the crowd for those 2 seconds, which always stretched on into eternity, before the music began and she could dance.

When she started to move her feet everything in the world fell away from her. Her body felt light, flawless and free. She could think of no feeling more wonderful than the heat of the lights and the breeze she created as she turned, and gracefully filled the stage. When people watched Alexis dance, they found themselves lost in her, she pulled them into her movements and they felt, in their hearts and souls, whatever she wanted them to feel. If she performed a slow melancholy dance she could bring her audience near to tears, and if she danced for joy and love, she would lift their hearts but no matter what she performed they could not stop thinking of her for days. After she danced, she would wait anxiously with the rest of the girls to hear the results and after it was announced her parents would weave through the crowds to find her, her father would always have a bouquet of flowers, and her brothers would always have a souvenir gift for her.

It was after one of her first competitions that Jane approached her parents. Jane, was a young, but very talented choreographer who had fallen in love with Alexis’ passion for dance. Jane explained that she had just opened a small new studio, close to where they lived. A talent like Alexis should be allowed to study alone, she should have private lessons, only once a week, and she would be given a chance to improve greatly.

It was not long before Alexis and Jane started lessons together. Alexis loved working with Jane. With Jane’s help Alexis quickly improved and learned more and more. Jane found out about every competition she could and Alexis begged to enter more and more. Jane and Alexis quickly became good friends. Often Alexis would go to see Jane outside of lessons, and soon Jane gave Alexis a key to the dance studio. Alexis would often sneak off to the studio to dance in front of the wall sized mirror alone. She loved to feel the cold wood flooring against her bare toes, when nobody else could see. She loved to turn the music on and dim the lights until she could see nearly nothing and dance for hours. The peace and serenity it brought her made her feel as if nothing could ever go wrong.

On May 16 of 1994 Alexis turned 10. For Alexis it should have been a wonderful day. Her family had made the day very special for her. Her brothers did all of her chores for her and even let her have the first shower in the morning, so that the water was still warm for her. Her father made her favourite breakfast and her mother made her favourite lunch. Grant and James decorated the whole house for her party. And her friends arrived and each one brought her a prettily wrapped gift. But for Alexis the day seemed long, boring and unnerving. She could feel all day as if something ominous was waiting for her around the corner.

When all the cake had been eaten the gifts given and the party favours handed out her friends headed back to their homes, and Alexis ran to get ready for her dance lesson with Jane. She had gotten a brand new black leotard from her mom, and she couldn’t wait to show Jane. She stood proudly in front of her mirror and admired the way it looked. There was a pinch at the top in the middle of her chest so it looked much more grown up. And the back had four straps crossing her back from each side, as she wrapped her skirt around her waist she waited to feel that peaceful feeling wash over her that she always got when she knew she was going to dance. But still there was that nagging feeling of unrest deep in her chest and her stomach knotted and turned. She shook her head quickly and pulled her sweatshirt over her head, grabbed her shoes and ran down the stairs and off to class.

The studio was quiet when she arrived. Most of the lights were off except for the main entry where Kelly, the receptionist sat chatting on the phone. She looked up when Alexis came in and waved cheerily. She gave a slight shrug and pointed to the classroom, which was still completely dark. Alexis went inside and pulled off her sweater. She looked around herself and felt the studio was colder than normal. She pulled her sweater back on and felt the lint on the inside of the sleeves, she stood a moment looking around as if something might have jumped out of the shadows at her. She slowly pulled her slippers on and tied the satin ribbons around her ankles. Finally she switched the light on and took a good look around the room. Nothing moved or jumped or hid in any of the corners. She reached out and turned on the cassette player. Bach filled the room and Alexis marched over to the barre, determined to shake this feeling she began her warm-ups.

As Alexis rounded through her warm up routine she stretched and bent and turned and her stomach got tighter and tighter and her throat began to feel like it was closing over. She reached her foot out and placed it on the barre and leaned over, gracefully touching her fingertips to her toes, and suddenly her stomach turned to ice. She felt as if there was cold water rushing through her veins and her heart seemed to stop completely. Slowly she pulled away from the barre, and sank to the ground. She pulled her knees to her chest and leaned against the wall. Bach was still filling the room when Kelly came slowly in, her tiny manicured hands shaking, she walked very slowly over to Alexis and knelt in front of her. Kelly reached out and pulled the child into her lap and they sat in silence for a long time before Alexis’ parents arrived.

Mother slowly reached out for Alexis’ hand. She took the tiny child into her arms and hugged her close. Alexis felt terror rip through her. She saw her father standing back, arms crossed, and watched Kelly as the tears slipped down her cheeks. All at once Alexis knew, nobody needed to say anything. Her heart began to race, she felt nausea well up in her throat and her stomach flipped and turned a million times over. She couldn’t understand, she tried to be grown up. She tried to understand, that death is natural, as her mother explained. She tried to listen when her mother explained that although it was early for Jane, everyone has their time. Alexis felt her world begin to spin, and She closed her eyes tight from the vertigo. Suddenly her mothers arms were no longer wrapped around her. She could no longer hear Bach, but a loud ringing filled her ears. The sounds of Kelly’s sobs disappeared and her mothers smell of lavender no longer stung in Alexis’ nose. She felt a hot salty tear on her cheek and tried to take a deep stuttering breath. She had to be a big girl. Slowly she opened her eyes.

The room was dark, silent and cold. She was alone. As she looked around at her surroundings she felt confusion, but peace. The studio was the same, as it had always been, the clock on the stereo flashed 12:00 just as it always had. She turned slowly, three times, and surveyed the whole room. Questions welled up in her and seemed to trip and stumble over each other, and as quickly as they had come they were gone, and she was left with a deep feeling of calm, and peace. She slipped across the floor and pressed play on the old stereo. A wave of serenity came over her. She forgot all that she had just learned and she let the music pull her in, a slow waltz, and she stepped through the room, light as ever, peaceful and happy. She counted out the steps silently in her mind and felt the reality of her life slip away from her.


This one needs alot of work so dont say anything! Its kind of a work in progress, I set out to write about something completely different but starbucks was too cold so this is what you get! :P

new stuff on the way!

Two

Chase was born on a quiet Saturday morning in early June of 1982. He was in birth the same as he was in life. Unassuming quiet and gentle. As a young child Chase often was lost in the background. Other boys would be running, playing tag or catch or the other games boys play, full of noise and clatter and energy, but Chase was happy to sit quietly and play with his trucks. Chase was an only child. His mother tried, in vain, for years to give him a younger brother or sister before she gave up.

She was a slight woman, timid and quiet, she was always happy to stay home, putter around and keep a quiet happy home for her husband and son. Her husband was a large man, in nearly every sense of the word. It seemed to Chase, that his father would fill the whole room when he entered it. He was a round, strong tall man, loud and powerful. He worked most of his life in a garage fixing rich peoples cars, and dreaming of one day owning one of those, fast, expensive cars, instead of his old practical one. He would sit his son on his lap in the late evening and tell him that one day when Chase was 16 they would rebuild an old car together.

For Chase home never seemed out of the ordinary. It never felt like there was anything wrong. As he grew up, and started going to school he never noticed the goings on at home. He studied hard, he never failed a class but he never stood out either. He never fought with any of the other boys at school and didn’t tease the girls. His father pushed him to play baseball, and for a while he did, just to make his father happy, but he realized that nobody noticed if he went or not, and eventually he just stopped going all together. He never noticed that his mother became more nervous, she had always been shy. He never saw the way her hands would shake when she spoke to his father. He never saw that his father would stay away later and later nights. It wasn’t odd that his father suddenly started to take trips for work on most weekends. As Chase began to become a tall skinny young man he never thought for a moment about his parents marriage. So when it ended in 1995 Chase was shocked. There could have been many ways for the marriage to end, that wouldn’t have been as hard on Chase. His mother, however, could not have done it any other way.

Chase and his parents lived in Phoenix Arizona. His parents had bought the house shortly after they were married and they never had a need to go anywhere else. His father used to say:
“A night out for dinner is as good as a week long getaway!” So they rarely vacationed. Chase could remember a few short camping trips, and his mother went to Denver once a year to visit her family, but she always went alone. Chase never had a deep desire to travel. He was content with the life he had been given, and so the afternoon when he came home from school to find suitcases in the front hall he was confused more than excited. His mother busily cleaned the house around him as she explained that he was going to go with her this year to Denver, and since there was a family reunion they were going early. Chase was excited but apprehensive.
“Why can’t Dad come?”
“Your Daddy has to work.”
“What about school?”
“I’ve called your teachers dear, they will excuse you from the homework.”

Now those are the words that every young boy dreams of hearing, so after she told him that, he began to get excited. He helped his mother load all the bags, suitcases and boxes into the car and, when he had finished, he never stopped to consider that they might be bringing everything they owned. This was his first real vacation, he didn’t know how much to bring or leave behind and so, as with most of his life, he didn’t ask any questions. Of course since his mother had packed his bags he knew she must be right. The drive was exciting for young Chase. He had never been on a road trip and had never seen so much of the country. It wasn’t long before they arrived in Denver and were engulfed in family. Chase had never lived near his mother’s family, or his fathers as a matter of fact, and he had never met any of them. He learned quickly that, that didn’t matter. “Family is family!” he was told again and again. Of course that didn’t make him feel any more at ease with these people. For him they were foreign and strangers, he felt at a loss when they hugged him and didn’t know what to say when they asked about his school, or his friends. It felt as if they all knew everything about him, and he knew nothing about them. His mother had never spoken of her family at home, but of course she told her mother, and sisters everything about her young son. So they knew him long before he knew them.

The first few days of his vacation were scary, exhilarating and uncomfortable. Chase often got the feeling that when his mother left, with one of her sisters, or her mother, they were talking about him. He often entered a room to everyone staring, silently at him. He worried, what could he have done wrong? He couldn’t think of anything. When four days of this had passed, his mother and grandmother sat him down at the dinner table. He felt guilt welling up in his throat as they sat quietly chatting about nothing in particular. The whole family had been over to dinner, and the smells of roast chicken and potatoes lingered in the air. Chase played with the tablecloth, tracing the floral patterns with his fingers and picking the crumbs and putting them into a small pile near his water glass. His stomach turned and he felt nauseated. He wasn’t sure anymore, if he was listening to what his mother was saying to him. He could feel himself drifting in and out of the conversation. Finally his grandmother began to rein the conversation in. She gently explained to Chase that his mother and father both loved him, but they would not live together anymore. She quietly explained that Chase would not be allowed to see his father again. His mother told him that she knew he was a strong boy and that he would be able to understand.

Chase did not understand. He felt himself drifting out of the conversation again. His head began to feel heavy, and stuffed with cotton. His ears rang loudly and he felt light and weak. Chase could hear the blood rushing in his ears and the whole room began to slow down. He watched his mother speak, but could not hear what she was saying. She reached out to touch his hand and as much as he tried to pull away from her he felt stuck, and couldn’t move. Their voices became distorted and started to sound foreign.

All at once Chase felt his world tilt sideways and the room spun around him for a second before everything vanished completely. He closed his eyes tightly and felt his heart, and stomach tense up as the world fell away from him. He felt himself hit the ground, hard, and he lay still on his back for a long time before he opened his eyes. The sounds around him became sharper and his head began clear. His heart stopped racing and his stomach slowly untied itself, he unclenched his fists and gently touched the ground around him. He grabbed hold of the grass and pulled slowly, to soothe himself, and as he did so shock shot through him again. His eyes shot open and he saw around him, clear blue sky, soft bright green grass, trees on a hill in the distance. He heard birds singing and the rush of water from a nearby stream. A moment of confusion and terror passed, before he gave in to the peace and serenity that surrounded him, confident in the fact that he must, be dreaming.

This is where all of Chase’s problems began.



So are you waiting for a chapter three? well I dont really care, its coming whether you like it or not. (some feedback might be cool though!)

One World.

"Pearson College is a Unique two year pre-university school for two hundred students selected from around the worl based solely on their personal merit, potential and demonstrated commitment to engage actively in creating a better world. All students attend on a full financial scholarship and live together while studying the International Baccalaureate program and pursuing explicitly the mission of the United World Colleges to make education a force to unite people, nations and cultures for peace and a sustainable future." ~ David B. Hawley, College Director.

Annually pearson college puts on a "One world" performance where they showcase the talents of the students. This year all 200 students helped with the performance with over 175 or them setting foot on the stage. This years students came from 100 different countries.

My family has been lucky enough to get a chance to be a host family this year, to my cousin, Adam who is attending Pearson College. So this weekend my family and his Mom and his sister all got a chance to see the show.

Im not sure what I had expected it to be like, but I was amazed. Each perfromance was completely unique, mostly dances from each culture. This year Pearson College decided to select students from war torn regions and areas of conflict. There were many speeches through the show that clearly reflected that. Kids spoke of their personal experiences from what they had been told was truth *they have learned that truth is subjective* to devestating stories of abuse, fear, death, young marriage, child labour and one boy from Venezuela told us about how he had survived an abduction a year ago. These are kids, 17, 18 year olds, who have witnessed the most horrible parts of humanity first hand, and here they were telling us about their hopes and dreams for a peaceful future. Two boys stood together on stage, One boy from Palestine and one from Isreal, when they came to Pearson, they were put in the same dorm room.

"Coming here, and sharing a room with him, has not taught me who is right, Only who is left."

The show was mostly dancing, different dances from all over the world. From a war dance from Fiji, a belly dance, latin dancing, throat singing, a middle eastern wedding, music from china and even street beats. Each peice was completely unique and different. I felt like I was getting a chance to see the more fun, beautiful parts of these cultures.

I began to feel that we often hear, or choose to hear, only the negative parts of each culture we encounter. There are always stereotypes, and Im sure there always will be but I feel like as a whole we focus on the negative and gloss over the positive, beautiful, fun parts of each different culture. We are missing out! I am not saying that Im an expert now that I sat through a two hour show of snippets of different lives, but seeing something like that makes me even more sure that there is so much we dont get a chance to see. Either because its not around, or because we arent looking. Or maybe we're hiding from it.

One

Alexis never felt she was destined for anything great, she dreamed, definatly, and as long as she was going to be dreaming she dreamt big. But she never really believed, deep down, that her hopes would be realized. And as she sat, on the rotting stairs, pulling chips of dark green paint away with her fingernails, she wondered, at everything that had put her where she was. She felt the sun, beating down on her in a desperate attempt to drive the stubborn winter away. The heat, and peaceful light washed over her, overwhelmingly pulling her heart upwards. She leaned her shoulder against the house, pulled another long piece of paint off of the steps and played with it gently between her forefingers before flicking it away. She let her mind wander as she watched a pair of finches playing in a pool of rain left from the recent winter storms. Spots of light played and danced on the surface of the water as they splashed about, fluttering their feathers, then smoothing them out again. A deep sigh filled her lungs, and as she lifted her face up into the light, a gentle smile pulled at the corners of her lips. For now, she was content to sit, and soak in the warmth that savagely beat its way through the winter cold, yet tenderly caressed her nose, cheeks and her eyelids.

He stood watching her from the kitchen window. Slowly he rolled his mug of coffee between his hands trying to warm himself against the cool of the house. The fragrant steam rose and warmed his face as he pulled in a long drink. It had been tough for them, and as he watched her soaking in the early morning sun he thought of the times that had passed between them. It had been some time since he had considered the path that had brought them together. But as he watched her peeling the paint off of their front deck in long strips, her belly beginning to swell beneath her dress, he couldn’t help but remember. Was it all really behind them now? It had been so much harder to leave everything than they had thought. His deepest fear was bringing new life into the world that they had grown up in. As much as they tried and worked toward the new life they had made, there was still that lingering fear, that maybe, their efforts weren’t enough. The sudden clicking sound of Jasper’s feet snapped Chase back to the present. The dog stopped halfway across the kitchen and sat, suddenly, his head tilted to the left. Chase couldn’t help but laugh.

“You poor mutt.” He muttered as he scooped food into the dog’s dish. He smiled as he watched Jasper greedily inhale the food, and he felt sudden relaxation, and contentment in the normalcy of it all. But as Chase sat down to his breakfast his chair rocked a little, on one shorter leg. He looked out over the table, in the middle of his empty kitchen, it was old, stained with meals and who knew what else, from past lives. The wood had deep gouges and scratches all over it. His eyes travelled to the bare walls, devoid of photos, the old world wallpaper was peeling, greasy and badly off coloured. There was a few bright spots along the wall where photos of previous owners had hung, and as he followed a deep crack in the wall he saw the windows, covered in a layer of dirt and dust, suddenly he felt nothing but deep shame. Chase sighed deeply as he remembered how she was when they met. She had so many hopes and dreams, he knew that this was not the life she had envisioned for herself. Perhaps not the life he had envisioned either. Did he really want to bring his child into this lifestyle? Did he have a choice?


Well now, what do you think? Feel free to leave a note! Have any guesses as to where its headed? Would you even glance at a chapter two?